What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am one with the molecules
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
