Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
