I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
