And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
