Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
