WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
