What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
