My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
