I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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