If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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