Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
