she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
