We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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