I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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