You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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