Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
