Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
