i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
