Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
