I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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