so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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