everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
