Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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