We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
