I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
