I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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