My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
