I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
