I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
