Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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