tell your sister to shave her snatch
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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