just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
