Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
