I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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