just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
