iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
