After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
