If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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