from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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