3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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