I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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