***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
