I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
