I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
