I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
