I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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