his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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