I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
