He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
