I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
