The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
