I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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