We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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